Lately I have found myself indulged in learning psychologies that can be very helpful to know in everyday life. For the past couple of months I have been testing my ability to use rapport to capture a sense of connection between myself and another individual.

Rapport is one of the most important features or characteristics of unconscious human interaction. It is commonality of perspective, being in “sync”, being on the same “wavelength” as the person with whom you are talking. -Wikipedia

For those of you who are still lost on the subject of rapport let me have you think back. Has there ever been a time that you have been up late one night talking to a friend, one of you moves from a chair or couch to the floor, and a short while after, the other does the same? We have all experienced (but have never told anyone) of knowing when another person is about to get up and leave, or say… look over at you in from the car next to you. These are some examples of the mind being in a state of unconscious ‘rapport’. You will mirror each other’s body language and so on without realizing it. Rapport by no means only connected to body position, people in a state of rapport will breathe at the same rate, adopt each other’s facial expressions, blink at the same rate, and use the same language.

The question that arises, “Is it really that simple? Simply mirror everything the other person does?” The answer is no, by mirroring exactly what the other person does will more less trigger an alarm for the other person, and have the opposite effect of rapport.

The Benefits

Now, for those of you out there thinking, “Well… gee… I could use this to pick up women!” Well…. yes… but no. Knowing how to create a state of rapport will help you to connect with an individual, but not necessarily have them fall for you. The benefits of rapport is exactly what you have already experienced in your times of rapport. The sense of connecting with an individual, and creating that feeling of connection. If you’re clever enough to find the balance that is needed you will find this very helpful tool for you.

Creating Rapport

Let’s imagine you are sat at a table and wish to have someone near you, or at an adjoining table, take an interest in you. The game is to mirror the person subtly, constantly and peripherally, so that she (we’ll use the feminine pronoun, but it need not be part of a seduction) finds herself feeling a connection with you and not knowing why. You are not talking to her or even looking at her; you can only watch her out of the corner of your eye. This allows you to be quite bold at times. If at a party, take a sip of your drink every time she drinks from her glass. Mirror her position as much as you can: lean back in your chair when she does, shift when she shifts. Sometimes an exact copy might be too obvious. So if, for example, you see her drumming her fingers, you might swing your hand instead in a natural gesture. Do whatever you can get away with. You might be involved in a conversation with a third party at the same time (this poor person really won’t feel much of a connection with you at all). Just let your body move and react in the same rhythm as her. See it as a dance.

After a while you can begin to test to see if the rapport is working. You take the lead now. So take a drink , and see if she copies you. It’s not magic, and by far not difficult; you are just sending out signals of sameness in a situation where people are grateful for that kind of thing. It can make you oddly attractive, but it is by no means some grotesque ‘instant seduction’ tool.

Summary

If you have preformed fluidly and pitched everything just right, you will find the other person in question comes over to make converstation with you later, and feels you’re ‘their sort of person’. This also teaches you to pay attention to the non-verbal language communication by another person, which is a worthwhile skill if you are then able to react sensitively to it.